A letter to my younger self

Hi John, it's me, you. I'm older, wiser and all that shit. Oh yeah, I say swears now. You'll figure that out in college.

So, this isn't a letter to tell you which stocks to buy or lottery numbers to bet on. I know I promised that if I got this opportunity I would share this extremely valuable info, but the framing device for this letter makes that content boring and irrelevant. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Here's the stuff you didn't know you needed to hear.

It gets better.

You will find true friends, but it will take a long time. I'm so sorry. You will eventually find friends who care about you as much as you care about them. Friends that you want to share your life with. Friends who want to know how you're feeling. Friends who want to hear you enthusiastically describe the shape and nature of the universe. Be patient, and don't invest your emotions in people who don't value you. Your true friends will appreciate your mind for exactly what it is.

You will find love. I should avoid spoilers here, but you will be blessed with good relationships. You are an unselfish and considerate partner. You care so damn much about the people that you devote yourself to, and the people who find themselves the object of your devotion will appreciate you. Don't despair, the good ones will come looking for you ;)

You will be successful in your career. Computers are a big thing, and programming is easier and more rewarding than you think it is. Get started early, if you can.

You will lose your faith. I know that you feel very secure in your faith right now, and I'm not going to force that down your throat. Just know that all the guilt and shame that you constantly feel are not something you will have to live with forever. And I'm not dead yet, so who knows what will happen.

You will grow into a beautiful person. Your rough edges will be polished into gleaming facets. You are one of the sweetest humans that your friends will ever know. Your awkwardness will molt into a personality that no-one has ever met before.

So, I have something else to tell you, and it's kind of a big deal. In fact, it's the main reason for me writing this letter.

I want you to think of the thing you want the most. Your deepest, darkest desire. The thing you won't even admit to yourself. The thing you've hidden since you were very small. It's the thing that you would ask the genie first.

Are you ready?

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Sure?

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We, you and I, turn ourselves into a beautiful, tall, freckled, cute and girly-as-fuck woman. All of your confusion about masculinity and "man stuff" is justified. As you get older, the need to express your femininity only gets more intense. Your attempts to engage with manhood feel uncomfortable and unnatural. And you know what else happens? Society starts tolerating transgender people. I mean, it's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but a few celebrities come out and suddenly it doesn't seem quite as scary anymore. You will discover that just with a change in hormones, your body will take a pleasing shape.

I'm telling you this because you waited a goddamn long time to figure this out. I didn't wait too long though. I didn't get to experience girlhood, but I get to experience my best years as the gender I prefer. If you want to go through this earlier than I did, be my guest. Do it when you feel like you have the security and support that you need to turn your life upside down. Make sure that you don't do it alone. Mom and dad will be very confused, but they will love you all the same.

I love you so much. You are the root of everything that I am. You need to be nicer to yourself though. Your mistakes are only learning experiences, and they don't define who you are.

Your beautiful, joyous future self,

Johanna

P.S. Bitcoin is dumb, and you get to be really smug about not having invested in it.